


Staring On the Edge of Safe

by Agapostemon



Series: The Sound of Shattered Glass [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, M/M, Matt Holt has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Menstruation, Miscarriage, Past Rape/Non-con, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Trans Matt Holt, Trans Shiro (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 20:41:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11974626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agapostemon/pseuds/Agapostemon
Summary: Shiro smiles softly and cards his fingers through Matt’s hair before leaning over to dig through his bedside drawer for his heating pad, some weird Altean painkillers, and a bottle of water. He finds them quickly and sits back up to help Matt get situated.Just like old times.Except, well… they’re dating, now. And in space. And something heavy hangs between them, but Shiro’s not quite sure what it is. For now, though, he’s content to run his fingers through his whimpering partner’s hair while Matt presses the heating pad against his middle. At least he can provide this small comfort.





	Staring On the Edge of Safe

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warnings: Not-super-graphic discussion of past slavery/physical and sexual abuse, menstruation talk, implied non-consensual pregnancy/miscarriage, gender dysphoria, vomit, cursing
> 
> I'm gonna just... go ahead and move this saga over to it's own series ([The Sound of Shattered Glass](http://archiveofourown.org/series/813966)) instead of having it be part of Bite the Sky because it just. Makes sense for them to be their own thing. This one takes place at some point after [Let's Unwrite These Pages](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10794402).
> 
> Fic title is from [The Con by Tegan and Sara](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soJtF3F5t2k).

“Shiro?”

Shiro looks up from his data pad to see Matt hovering in his doorway. He looks and sounds like he’s seen a ghost.

“What’s up?” Shiro asks, sitting up straight and giving his boyfriend his full attention, “You okay?”

Matt ignores the questions in favor of asking one of his own, “Keith is… a galra/human hybrid, right?” He’s known this for months, now. Shiro’s not sure why it’s suddenly coming up again or why Matt is being so timid about it.

“Yeah,” Shiro nods.

“So…” Matt keeps his eyes carefully trained on the floor, “That means galra and humans are… are um… reproductively compatible, yeah?”

Shiro frowns, “Uh… yeah. Yeah, I guess that’s the implication.”

Matt gives a somber little nod and wraps his arms around himself in a way that seems almost frightened.

“Matt, what’s wrong buddy?” asks Shiro, “How can I help?”

Instead of actually answering, Matt just drags himself over and curls into a shivering donut at the foot of the bed.

“You don’t have to lay down there, silly,” Shiro says with a hesitant chuckle, “There’re pillows and cuddles up here if you want ‘em.”

“I hurt,” Matt whimpers, holding a hand to his lower abdomen.

Suddenly, a strange kind of familiarity washes over Shiro. For a split second, it’s almost like they’re in the Garrison barracks again. He thinks he knows what to do.

“D’you need a heating pad, buddy? I have one in my drawer for my back. And some painkillers, too, if you want.”

Matt nods weakly, relaxing a bit.

“Okay,” Shiro says gently, “Wanna stay down there or come join me up here?”

Matt responds by quietly worming his way up the bed until his head is resting on his boyfriend’s thigh.

Shiro smiles softly and cards his fingers through Matt’s hair before leaning over to dig through his bedside drawer for his heating pad, some weird Altean painkillers, and a bottle of water. He finds them quickly and sits back up to help Matt get situated.

Just like old times.

Except, well… they’re dating, now. And in space. And something heavy hangs between them, but Shiro’s not quite sure what it is. For now, though, he’s content to run his fingers through his whimpering partner’s hair while Matt presses the heating pad against his middle. At least he can provide this small comfort.

Slowly but surely, Matt’s shivering dies down and his breathing evens out. Just as Shiro is starting to wonder if he’s fallen asleep, he speaks up quietly, “Hey. Takashi? Can I tell you something?”

“Course you can,” Shiro says, sliding his left hand into a familiar, comforting position on his partner’s belly.

“It’s about…” Matt drifts off. Several seconds later, he whispers, “Y’know.”

“It’s fine,” confirms Shiro, using his mech hand to pluck tenderly at his boyfriend’s shirt sleeve, “I’m in an okay headspace right now. Go ahead.”

Matt nods, but doesn’t say anything for a minute. When he does speak, all he says is, “It’s icky.”

“That’s fine,” Shiro assures him, rubbing his belly with his thumb, “I’m listening.”

Another moment of silence. Then a bark of laughter so unexpected that it makes Shiro jump, “It’s hard enough to keep track of my stupid menstrual cycle _with_ a calendar! Y’know?”

Shiro snorts, “Yeah. Remember that time you programmed your own gender-neutral period-tracker app and then stopped using it after a week?”

Matt groans, “Aww man, don’t remind me of that disaster!”

“Wasn’t a disaster,” Shiro says, “I used it for like a year and a half. ‘Til I had my surgery.”

“Wait, really?” Matt sounds oddly touched.

“Yeah. Really.”

“Wow… cool.”

They fall into silence once more, until Shiro nudges his boyfriend with a metal finger, “Was that all you wanted to say, or is there more?”

“Oh. Yeah, uh…” Matt fumbles for words, “Anyways, it’s even harder when, y’know, when… with the galra. It was always just like… surprise! You’re bleeding now! Guess it’s been a month or something, probably!”

This startles a laugh out of Shiro.

“Anyways, uh…” Matt squirms, “It was hard to tell if it was late. But one time it was so late that even _my_ ADHD ass noticed.”

Shiro’s stomach sinks. Oh _god_ , please let this not be going in the direction he’s afraid it’s going in.

“It was such a crappy month, too,” Matt continues. He’s stopped making eye contact, again, “I was tired and pukey and kept getting in trouble for not meeting productivity quotas. I didn’t really think anything of it, though. Like, I just figured the whole alien slavery thing was finally catching up with me…” he shrugs listlessly.

“Oh, Matt…” Shiro whispers, “Fuck.”

“But then one day they beat the shit out of me—I remember it being worse than usual, but maybe it’s just because I felt so crappy already—and I uh… I uh…” Matt stammers, “I thought I peed my pants, because uh… uh… y’know. Th-that happens sometimes, y’know? They kicked me in the gut and… and I…”

“I know,” Shiro places the cool metal of his hand against his boyfriend’s flushed cheek, “I know, it’s okay.”

Matt takes a shaky breath and continues in a strained, jittery voice, “Anyways, when I got back to my cell I realized it was blood, and I just… figured my uterus was making up for lost time. Especially since the next couple days were like… cramp hell. Like, way worse than uh… this,” he gestures down at himself.

Shiro nods quietly.

Matt’s teeth start to chatter, “But, uh… there was something weird about it? I dunno. It hurt like heck, but the pukey tired feeling went away afterwards? It was… um, weird,” he hiccups and swallows pointedly, “But I didn’t give it that much thought, because well… everything was weird? I was—” he hiccups again “—I was the fucking tech support guy slash resident sex slave for a hostile alien mining colony? _Everything_ was weird!” He hiccups again, but this time it comes out as more of a gag. Shiro dives for the trash can beside the bed just in time for Matt to pull it towards himself and throw up.

Shiro rubs his back and plants a feather-light kiss on his temple, then offers him a tissue and another drink of water. Without saying a word, Matt crawls into his lap and curls up against his chest.

Several minutes later, Matt whispers, “I didn’t give it much thought until I found out Keith is part galra.”

Shiro kisses the top of his head, “I’m so sorry, Matt. I’m so, _so_ sorry.” He feels like he should be saying something more, but what else is there to say?

Apparently it’s enough, though, because Matt mumbles “Least I know I’m safe with you...” before drifting off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna come say hi, I'm [Agapostemon](https://agapostemon.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr!
> 
> Please remember that I write purely for fun and catharsis. My fics are unbeta’d and minimally proofread. They’re not perfect, and that’s okay. If you notice something I could fix or improve, please keep those thoughts to yourself. If I genuinely want critique, I’ll ask a close friend in private. **Surprise critiques are very stressful and discouraging.** Especially on fics as personal as this one. Thanks for understanding!


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